You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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