Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
