I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
