I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
