I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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