Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
