people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
