it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
