i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
