I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize