Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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