Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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