yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
