My balls are so social today.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
