I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
