Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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