Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
