It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
