Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
