Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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