yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
