so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
