You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
