Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dick very happy bro
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
