Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
