the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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