i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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