oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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