i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
