i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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