Sponge bath it is.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
