You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
