After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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