I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
