Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I've blown a few things in my day
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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