i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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