super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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