My first STD was from a foam party
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize