I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
