i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
