I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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