no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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