Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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