I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
