Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
