can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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