Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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