So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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