he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
