Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
