Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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