I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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