Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
