Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize