once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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