Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
