god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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