Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
