I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's not a walk of shame if you run
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
