hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
