I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
