She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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