I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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