Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
