I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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