Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize