Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
