yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize