so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
