I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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