Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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