Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
