i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
