KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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