I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
