well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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