I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
