I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
