remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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