oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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