Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
