he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
