If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
