You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
