i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
this hospital has no fireball
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
