Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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