i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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