he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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