I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
