If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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