I wish I only lived at night.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
